flagellitis

i've been flagellating a lot lately. stuck somewhere in between nostalgic emo phases and concern for the future of my life (and the US economy) that's not the present. things just kind of happen from a day to day basis with generally no purpose, no drive forward. it's been...disconcerting to say the least. as wonderful as it is, a life free of responsibilities is quickly wearing on me as i beg for something to sink my teeth into, something to throw myself into willingly and with careless abandon. be it a person, a thing, a job, a general purpose, anything to stop my mind from wandering...from idling. i keep finding myself thinking stupid bullshit emo thoughts when really my life is everything i've dreamed of for the past four years and more. relaxation, no course packets, no tests, no class, just nothing in the way of my quest to do...nothing. but all these fucked up thoughts keep ruining my utopia. what if i don't get a job? why can't an asian man find himself a woman? what the fuck am i gonna do tomorrow? when will i move on?

truly i just need to move on with my life. as much as i love all my friends...i just need a new scene. something new, something foreign. i need new people, new scenery, new responsibilities, new distractions and for the love of christ...new datable women.

but most of all i just want to stop treading water, stop moving in place, stop (insert wishful cliche here). fuck this stagnation. i need something to keep me going...anything. any...fucking...thing.

...and no ninjavideo doesn't count. fuckin wilson...always ruining my life with shit like this.

/emo>